I can text with my tongue
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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