whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
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Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
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Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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