The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
