if i can run in heels then i can drive
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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