dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
