im six kinds of drunk right now
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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