The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
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Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
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I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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