Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
