I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
