evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
