i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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