and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I need to stop coming to work sober
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
