I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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