Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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