the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
