we're chasing vodka with high fives
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
