Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
