i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
