you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
