i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
