ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
