My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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