i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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