Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
