Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
