She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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