I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
