I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
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Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
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And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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