her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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