No awkward lesbian experiences without me
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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