woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
