im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
