Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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