you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i think im in europe. pls send help
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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