this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
