I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
