other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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