I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
