I could make wine with my vomit
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
