And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
