I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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