Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Can you repeat that, but with context?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
