like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
