In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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