the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
