just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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