I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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