Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
