Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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