just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
my shit smells like andre
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
