She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
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Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
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Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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