So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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