she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
