Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
