Need sex. Gaining weight.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
