Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
