thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
