And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
