dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just found puke in my bra..
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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