Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
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If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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