I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
