She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
