Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize