Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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