I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
