Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
