I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
