So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize