Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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