Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
