For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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