I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My vagina is officially offended.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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