last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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