i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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